Breakups are a special kind of rude. One day you’re sharing fries and inside jokes, and the next you’re arguing with yourself about whether it’s “unhinged”to rewatch your own Instagram story just to see if they watched it. (For the record: your phone is not a therapist. It is a chaos gremlin with a camera.)
The good news: heartbreak is survivable, even when it feels like your chest is auditioning for a dramatic soap opera. Healing isn’t linear, and it isn’t quicklike microwaving leftovers. But it is absolutely doablewith the right mix of self-care, boundaries, support, and a few gentle reality checks.
This guide covers how to get over a breakup with 11 practical, research-backed tips, plus specific examples and a big “you’re not broken”reminder. Because you’re not.
Why Breakups Hurt So Much (Even When You “Know It’s for the Best”)
A breakup isn’t just the end of a relationshipit’s the loss of a routine, a future plan, a shared identity, and the comfort of “my person.” That’s whyyou can feel totally confident about the decision at noon and then sob into a burrito at 9 p.m. Grief has range.
You may notice emotional and physical symptoms, including:
- Racing thoughts, sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, or relief (sometimes all in one day)
- Changes in sleep, appetite, and energy
- Difficulty focusing (yes, even on emails that say “quick question”)
- Urges to check their social media “just for closure”
The goal isn’t to erase the pain overnight. The goal is to help your nervous system settle, rebuild your sense of self, and create enough distance to see therelationship clearlywithout the brain’s greatest hits playlist of “But what if…?”
How To Get Over a Breakup: 11 Tips for Healing
1) Let Yourself Grieve (Yes, It Counts as Grief)
If the relationship mattered, the loss matters. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel without trying to “logic” your way out of sadness.Crying, journaling, venting to a friend, or taking long walks while dramatically staring into the distance are all acceptable.
Try this: Set a 10-minute “feelings timer.” For those 10 minutes, you don’t fixonly feel. When the timer ends, do one grounding action:drink water, take a shower, eat something, step outside.
2) Build a Basic Self-Care Routine (Boring, Powerful, Annoyingly Effective)
After a breakup, your brain wants to live on iced coffee and vibes. Unfortunately, your body would like a vote. A simple routine creates stability wheneverything else feels shaky.
- Sleep: same bedtime/wake time as much as possible
- Food: real meals (or at least “snack plates” with protein)
- Movement: a walk counts; stretching counts; existing upright counts
- Hygiene: showering and clean clothes are not overrated
Example: If mornings feel brutal, create a “minimum viable morning”: brush teeth, drink water, open blinds, 5-minute walk or stretch.
3) Practice Self-Compassion (Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to a Friend)
Your inner critic may show up like: “How did I not see this coming?” or “I’m too much / not enough.” That voice is not helpful; it’s just loud.Self-compassion doesn’t mean pretending you’re thrilledit means refusing to bully yourself while you heal.
Try this: When you catch self-blame, ask: “What would I say to my best friend if they said this?” Then say that to you.
4) Lean on Your Support System (Borrow Calm From Other Humans)
Heartbreak isolates people. You might feel embarrassed, exhausted, or like you’re “bringing everyone down.” But connection is one of the fastest ways toregulate stress.
Make it easy: Text one person: “Can I have company tonight? I don’t need advicejust a human.” Or schedule a low-effort hang:coffee, a walk, a movie on the couch.
5) Set “No Contact” or “Low Contact” Boundaries (Space Is Medicine)
Constant contact can keep the wound open. Even if you eventually want to be friends, consider creating a temporary boundary so your brain can detach andstop searching for emotional “hits.”
Start small if needed: 14 days of no texting/calling. Or “business-only” contact if you share logistics (kids, pets, lease, work).
Example script: “I need a no-contact period to heal. I’m not punishing youI’m protecting myself.”
6) Remove Digital Triggers (Your Algorithm Does Not Love You Back)
If seeing their name makes your stomach drop, that’s a cuenot a challenge. Mute, unfollow, hide memories, and delete conversation threads you keep rereadinglike they contain secret clues. (They don’t. They contain pain.)
- Mute them and mutuals who constantly post them
- Move photos to a hidden folder or external drive
- Change your home screen so you don’t open apps on autopilot
Tip: If “blocking” feels intense, remember: boundaries aren’t a moral statement. They’re a healing tool.
7) Try Expressive Writing (Get the Swirl Out of Your Head and Onto Paper)
Writing can help you process what happened, make meaning, and calm repetitive thoughts. The key is not perfect grammarit’s emotional clarity.
Prompt ideas:
- “What did I give in this relationship that I’m proud of?”
- “What was I tolerating that I don’t want again?”
- “What do I want my next relationship to feel like?”
- “If I stop idealizing them, what do I see?”
8) Move Your Body (Not as a PunishmentAs a Reset Button)
Breakups spike stress. Gentle movement helps your body metabolize that stress and can improve sleep and mood over time. You don’t need a new personalitycalled “gym rat.” You need circulation and sunlight.
Easy options: 20-minute walk, yoga video, dancing in your kitchen, swimming, biking, or lifting if that’s your thing.
9) Rebuild Your Identity (Remember You’re a Whole Person)
Relationships blend routines: your favorite show becomes “our show,” your weekend becomes “our weekend.” After a breakup, intentionally reclaim your “me.”
- Make a list of things you did before the relationship
- Try one new activity that has nothing to do with them
- Update your space (even small changes can help)
Example: If you stopped seeing friends on Fridays, restart “Friday Friend Night”even if it’s just one friend and tacos.
10) Watch the “Quick Fix” Traps (Rebounds, Revenge Posts, and Late-Night Texts)
Some choices feel good for 12 minutes and then feel awful for 12 days. That doesn’t mean you’re doomedit means you’re human. The trick is building a pausebetween feeling and acting.
The 24-hour rule: If you want to send a big emotional text, wait 24 hours. Draft it in Notes. Read it tomorrow. Then decide.
Reality check: A rebound can be fun, but it doesn’t automatically heal the original wound. If you date, do it with honestyespecially with yourself.
11) Get Professional Support If You’re Stuck (Healing Isn’t a Solo Sport)
If weeks turn into months and you feel unable to functionor if the breakup triggers depression, panic, trauma memories, or intense anxietytherapy can help.Support groups, counseling, or coaching can also be useful depending on what you need.
Consider reaching out if you notice:
- Persistent hopelessness or numbness
- Big sleep or appetite changes that don’t improve
- Constant rumination that disrupts work/school/relationships
- Using alcohol/substances to cope most days
- Thoughts of self-harm or feeling like you don’t want to be here
If you’re in the U.S. and you feel unsafe or overwhelmed, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
Common Breakup Mistakes (That Are Super Normal)
You don’t need to be perfect to heal. But these habits can slow things down:
- Idealizing the ex: remembering only the highlight reel
- Checking social media: reopening the wound daily
- Trying to “win” the breakup: healing isn’t a competition
- Skipping meals and sleep: your body needs fuel to recover
- Isolating: pain grows in silence
FAQ: Getting Over a Breakup
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There’s no universal timeline. It depends on the length of the relationship, how it ended, your support system, and what else is happening in your life.Many people feel noticeable improvement in wavessome days better, some days harderbefore the “hard days” become less frequent.
Should I stay friends with my ex?
Sometimes, but usually not right away. Friendship is more likely to work when both people have fully accepted the breakup, have clear boundaries, and caninteract without hoping it will turn romantic again.
How do I stop thinking about them?
You don’t stop by forcing it. You stop by reducing triggers (especially digital), processing the emotions (talking/writing), and refilling your life withnew routines and connection. Over time, your brain stops treating the relationship like an emergency alert.
Experiences: What Healing Can Look Like in Real Life (About )
Healing after a breakup often looks less like a straight line and more like a weird doodle you draw while on hold with customer service. One day you’ll feelstronglike, “I’m thriving, I’m glowing, I’m basically the main character.” The next day, you’ll hear a song in the grocery store and suddenly you’restanding in the cereal aisle reconsidering every life choice you’ve ever made. That swing is normal.
Some people describe the first week as pure survival mode. You might wake up with a heavy feeling in your chest, like your body remembers before your mindcatches up. In that stage, “progress” can be tiny: taking a shower, answering one email, eating something with actual nutrients. A common experience isfeeling ashamed of how hard it hurtsespecially if you were the one who initiated the breakup. But ending something that wasn’t working can still be a loss.You can be both relieved and devastated. Humans contain multitudes; your nervous system contains drama.
Around weeks two to four, many people notice the “urge spikes.” You’ll feel an intense impulse to text, check social media, or reread old messages. Often,it happens at the same times you used to talklate night, lunch breaks, weekends. That’s not fate; it’s habit. One practical trick is replacing the oldroutine with a new one: a friend you always call on Fridays, a gym class on Sunday mornings, a nightly “phone out of bedroom” rule. It can feel silly atfirst, like you’re pretending to be okay. But you’re not pretendingyou’re practicing.
Another common experience is “memory bargaining.” Your brain will try to negotiate: “If I had said that differently…” or “If I can just explain one moretime, they’ll understand.” When people write about these thoughts in a journalespecially the parts they don’t say out loudthey often start to see patternsmore clearly. They remember the disagreements, the mismatched values, the exhaustion of trying to make it work. The goal isn’t to villainize the otherperson. It’s to hold the whole truth, not just the sweet parts.
Months later, healing often shows up quietly. You go half a day without thinking about them. You laugh without forcing it. You realize you haven’t checkedtheir profile in weeks. You make a plantrip, class, hobbywithout mentally calculating how it affects “us.” Many people say the biggest shift is when therelationship stops feeling like the center of the story and becomes one chapter. Not erased. Just placed in the right section of the bookshelf.
And if your healing takes longer than you expected, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It might mean you loved deeply, you built a real attachment, or thebreakup poked at older wounds. With time and support, you can healand you can build something even better than “getting back to normal”: you can build anew normal that fits who you are now.
Conclusion
Getting over a breakup isn’t about deleting your feelingsit’s about learning how to carry them without letting them run your whole life. Start with the basics(sleep, food, movement), create boundaries that protect your peace, lean on your people, and give your brain time to recalibrate. Healing is real, and it’salready happeningevery time you choose one small, kind action for yourself.
